Showing posts with label different. Show all posts
Showing posts with label different. Show all posts

13 Sept 2018

Fabulous, juicy, peachy, bubble butt and all kind of stupid bullshit

13 September 0



When I was a child I didn't like P.E. classes. No, this word is not strong enough. I hated them classes. It has always been a torture for me. I could think about all kind of excuses just to not attend the phisical education. Surprise, as now, when I am 23 years old, I can't imagine my life without fitness and some kind of phisical activity. I will find all kind of excuses just to move my ass from the coach and do something. Ow, and I am also a fitness instructor, jumping trainer and for almost 5 years I have been working in hotels in different coutries fighting to get a possibility to be responsible for the fitness or sport activities for tourists. Isn't life ironic?

Now I have realized what's been a problem back then. And what seems to be a problem now, after all these year. Poeple and nasty bitches. Let's call here the names, let's not hide the truth. I am not news in TV or on the radio, am I? So I am about to tell you what, in my opinion, is the biggest problem for moving you ass and doing something with your life. And I will focus on a fitness, shape etc. part of the topic.

Imagine you're going to the gym. You can already feel them endorphins go up, the adrenaline, this feeling in your body. You're finally doing something to change! To be better! No more looking in the mirror and hating what you see, no more sitting on the couch without a possibility to touch your toes, because your belly is too fat! No more baby ! You made it till the stairs, there's no going back now! You're in! You can do this!

Great, you changed into your new fitness clothes. They smell new, the feel amazing! Ow my! You're on the top of the world, beautiful. Here we go! You enter the room. There are few other people waiting for the instructor to start the class. The atmosphere is pretty awesome. You feel good between all of them people, because they all have the same target as you. And everyone starts somewhere, and you start here. And you know you can do this, because all them people can, and they are here and they will support you or kick your ass when needed. All good!

The instructor puts on the music, smiles and starts the introduction to the class. Wow, she is so nice and she is not judging anyone ! You feel it! Your mind is changing so will your body! Let's do this!

Wait....

The door opens...

Quick check out of the "late" one. She is wearing them tight shorts showing off all her good parts. Nice ass, garage instead of her hips. Nice nice, she was once a beginner too, everything is possible and she can be your motivation. Wait..she enters the room and walks slowly towards the instructor. Slowly, hip side to side. "Watch me I'm fabulous!" says her way of being, because how else to call it. She stands just in front of the instructor. Great, you can follow her moves.

But you slowly start feeling a bit down. Your mood somehow got darker. But it's ok. It will go away, right?

But then you're realizing that the Fab Babe is turning around from time to time to check out what's happening behind her. You can see her glaring at other people, from the feet up and from up to the feet. Ow! There there! You notice that! That bitch is judging every fucking one in this room!. Like who the fuck invited you here!? You realized that you're not the only one who feels a bit overwhelmed by that Fab Babe. Something is changing, and it's not gonna be good.

The class is coming to an end and you feel good. Good, but not amazing. Not the way you felt when you're entering the gym, walking up the stairs, getting ready and putting this amazing outfit on. No, it's just ok. Should you give up?

No! Fuck sake, never! And here comes the problem, do you understand me?! And it's been following you since early school years. There's always this Fab Babe, this judging bitch, the monster, who thinks she is better, she can do more and heavier! Jeez, bitch, calm your tits down and park your airplane somewhere else! We are all here to enjoy our time and change something with ourselves and you ain't gonna stop it by being bitchy!

Ok, fine. You look great We all can see that. But just because you're a bit further with your jurney doesn't mean you have to put others down and push them down the pillar, is it. Honestly, you've beens tarting once too and you're where you are because you had people who were pulling you or pushing you to move forward, right? So open your eyes and wash this bitchiness off your face, because putting other's down or judging them from your point of view won't make you a better person, won't give you any bigger hips or others smaller. Got it?!

It's been like this since the primary school, remember?
Fat or bigger kid never wanted to change in front of the others. The slower runner didn't want to run with other kids. The girls with the bigger/smaller boobs didn't want other girls nor boys to see her in a P.E. uniform and this boy with weirdly long legs never came for the calss. Did anything change?

Yes, our age. But everything else stayed the same.

And why? Because of you judging bitches who can not mind their own business and hold their own butts. Again, next time you want to judge-look at someone close your eyes and recall how you used to look like and what it was like when you were at the beginning of your journey.

Thank you.
Goodnight.
Fuck off.

18 Aug 2018

VHS movies, flirting on MSN, Getting a video from the rental shop, Internet Explorer fun and all the fun before we became adults.

18 August 0
So yea, I am 23 years old. When did that happen? 

And now what ? What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to act? What are your 20's all about? What are the taxes? How not to lose your shit on everyday basis? How to sign for a doctor appointment and how to cook and egg in the kettle?
Don't you think that being in your 20's is a terribly confusing time? Because, honestly, what are that age norms, expectations? What the 20 should and shouldn't do or be?

Like honestly, I've got friends who own houses, friends renting and friends who still live with their parents and don't do shit with their lives. I've got friends working 3 jobs to maintain a live on some desent level, friends with their own businesses and friends who live from their parents' money and have never worked a day in their live. I've got friends who have graduated from different kind of unis from different parts of the whole world and friends who still have no idea what they are doing with their lives (hi, it's me here). I've got friends who have seen the world and friends who have never left their childhood city.

Some of them are parents, loads of them are engaged or married. Some are even divorced or close to getting a divorce. Yet there are still friends who have never been in a serious relationship or are trying to live their live by partying and trying all sort of new things.

Not a big deal, is it?

I've got friends who have taken their lives away, because of different sort of situations in their live. I've got friends who passed away, not by their choice, and many more have been involved in some kind of accidents. Yet, there are still friends who have never felt grief strangle in their heart.

Because the thing about your 20's it that there is no right or wrong, no better or worse and mostly, no-one is better that anyone else. We are not participating in any race. We all are trying to live our lives, to live the best we can and to reach the end of our path in a best, tho not the quickest, way. And that's ok. There's no need to judge anyone, because we all are doing the best we can. Even if it sucks sometimes, even if it's not easy sometimes...it will be worth it. It will all matter at the end,

I would like to thank Dani C, whose post I found on facebook
and it opened my eyes a bit and let me write this post.
Partly in my own words, partly borrowed few. 

10 Jun 2018

Once upon a time on Cyprus

10 June 1

Hello there! So I decided it’s the right time to continue with my story.
going back to my time on Cyprus, when it has all begun
I was an innocent girl. Just graduated from high school,
all excited about going to uni! Yaay.
Never have had a boyfriend in my life,
got drunk once when 16 with my mom
and her mom on the balcony in Bulgaria.
Never took drugs, never run away from home.
Skipping school on every occasion possible,
but every time telling my parents about it or asking plans with my mom.
Why would I go to school if I could go for some shopping and coffee?
Couldn’t be bothered. I wasn’t stupid tho. I was doing quite well in school.
I wasn’t making any problems, except being an antisocial smartass.
But what’s wrong with that?

I remember it like it was yesterday.
I went to some kind of a party organized by my school
and I went to hide from all the people to the "sitting room" underground.I was drinking and I started chatting with one of my colleagues.
I remember the moment he asked me something about the university community
and joining some kind of circles and me saying
"I would like that if I wasn't going to Cyprus in 3 days".
He's eyes got big like a plate of your grandma when she's trying to feed you.
And that was it.


I booked my flight, packed the suitcase of 23kg and just left.
Left my Polish life, my "friends", family
and all this things I have been working on for a quite long time.
But I wasn't attached to anything, to anyone.
It was one of the easiest decisions I've ever made in my life.
Can you imagine?
Leaving everything and starting all over being so easy?
It can be when you've got nothing to lose, when you've got nothing to regret.
What could have gone wrong? Only everything haha.
But I was 18 and I couldn't give a smaller shit.

Especially that I lost one of my good friends back then.
No, she hasn't died nor moved out.
She turned her back on me.
Yes, I am talking about you.
When I told her I was going to Cyprus, when I told her about my plans
looking for some kind of support from her side, for "you'll do great Nat".
You know what I received?
She gave me one of this looks 
"I am better than you" and said "well...guess who will have a better education over here..."
And that was it. After that she stopped talking to me, like she's never known me.
Till today's day we talk. Or more like we remember about each other on our birthday.
Year by year one message. On her birthday from me and on my day from her. And that's what's left from our "friendship".
We had our moments tho, haven't we?


And you know what? Here is when my life truly begun.
When I became my true self.
And if I could go back in time I wouldn't change a single...well,
I wouldn't change that much.
It made me who I am now and I am kind of amazing person right now.
And I've earned so much more than just money.
And that's something you don't measure with the size of your wallet.
It is something you don't dream of but when it happens it becomes something
that should always be your birthday wish

TO START LIVING.
AND YOU DO.
AND YOU NEVER REGRET THAT.


13 May 2018

Isn't it too early?

How many times have you been asked if it wasn't too early for anything? You want to start riding a bike. Isn't it too early? You want to try ice cream for the first time. Isn't it too early? You want to go for a trip with your friends. You want to start this big project. You want to move out form your parents. You want to ask her/him out. You want to kiss them. Move in together. Buy a dog. Leave uni before graduation. Make a big decision. Isn't it too early? Isn't it too early? 
Isn't it too effy early?!
IMG_2841
It is alway too early for something for someone.
It is always better to wait, than do something too early, in a rush, catching the moment. Isn't that true?

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T

There is so many bullshit theories in this world created by people without any hope, dreams, goals or ideas about something. One of them is this beautiful question "Isn't it too early?". 

Honestly, think once. Just once. Would you rather accept it and admit that it is better to wait for the perfect moment or would you rather eat that cake, which is just waiting in front of you? 

Don't get me wrong, I am not pushing anyone to anything. There are things that might be worth waiting. I am not convincing anyone to copulate, make quick decisions, change their life etc etc in a rush. No wories. There is time for everything, but it won't last for ever. Nothing ever does. It might be too early to make the step, but later on it could be already too late. You don't want to waste a given chance, do you?
IMG_1466.jpg


So buy this plance ticket, eat tht chocolote cake, kiss that girl, tell your dad you love him, get that dog you always wanted, buy this house with the beautiful garden, let your daughter go on that date with that guy she always wanted, let your mom quit that job she hated so much, grab his butt, tell your brother he matters, move out, start new, come back to the old. Whatever you want just do it, because one may say it is too early, that you should wait, but what if tomorrow it will be just your past? What if you wake up on Monday just with dreams and broken hopes? The time flies fast, too fast. And there is no moment to be wasted, there is not smile to be missed or coffee to be drunk. There is now or never, because you never now how much more have you got left in here. We never know. So trust yourself and let your kite fly.

8 May 2018

I am coming home.

I always wanted my life to be exciting, without any routine. I thought that was the only way to fall in love with it and to live. I never wanted my days to be the same and I was running away from the system wake up-eat-work-eat-sleep etc. I was scared that if my days weren't different one from another, I would never find the real happines. So what have I done? At age of 19 I left for my first adventure, Cyprus. I became an entertainer in the hotel, so as you can imagine, there was not a single day without surprises. We were enjoying out lives, each day, each night. Everything was exciting. Everyday we were meeting new people, as there were new guests in the hotel, new crazy stramgers on the bar streets, new ideas, new stupid decisions. And the life has been going this way for almost 4 years. Every few months I was changing the place I have been living in, I was meeting new people and making new stupid decisions, which made my life more...fun, I guess. I always thought that this was the way the humans should go through this world, that the people who live just to go to work, earn money and sleep are just wasting their lives. What's te point of living if you're stuck in one city, with the same people and places every single day. No one can be happy existing like this. At least that's what I thought.


I couldn't be more wrong.


Ok maybe not about "wake up work sleep" theory, because I still believe that this is not the way to do it, to live. But now I know there is no need to change every month the city, the people, the job. That won't make me happy, that wouldn't make you happy, I think. 



Walking down the streets of Prague with my best friend on my side and her boyfriend on her side with her puppy following our steps and seeing her being so so happy I realized something very important. 


It's not about the changes, it's not about the places, the people, the job. It's all in your head, it is not real, it is not important. Why would you like to move if you're happy? Why would you like to change if something brings you smile on your face? The deal is to find that ONE place, ONE person, ONE job, which will make you feel something different. Because when you do, when you finally find a place, which you will be able to call "home", because that is what you feel in your heart, you won't be seeking anything different. 

I don't say "keep it same keep it simple", because small changes are good. But don't think that your life depends on that. Sometimes old things are much better than something "improved" or "modified". If you want to change that old bed you've been sleeping on since years, move the kitchen table, put some plants on the window, cut your hair, stop eating vanilla ice-cream and try the banana ones, don't be scared to try new things, to change. But at the same time don't be afraid to settle. Don't be afraid of the routine in your life, because sometimes it may be the best thing that will happen to you in a day. 

You wake up with a bed hair day. You're late to work. You forgot to buy the coffee. Your car does't want to start. The bus didn't arrive on time. You made your suit dirty with this donut from the street seller. You lost your phone. You broke the heel. Your mom is still pushing on this wedding. 
Bum.




He's hugging you.

She's smiling at you.

He comes to listen.

They want to meet.

You
try to help.





She, He, They, You. That's what matter. Those are the people, who no matter what will bring your soul up, will cheer you up, will make a change. And that's the important difference you can be seeking for in your life. You don't need a flight ticket or a new job for that. Because life can be hard, can throw shit in front of you or give you lemons and no tequila. But that's ok. Nothing and no one is perfect. No one's life is perfect, even if they do say that online. Instagram, Facebook...that can fool you and you can feel like you deserve more. If she could go to Hawaii, why are you stuck in this small town with no KFC?! If he can purpose, why are you still wanking under the table dreaming of the perfect girlfriend? 

First of all, you don't have to. You can bring a difference if you want to. You can have it all if you try, if you do something about it. But just because she looks good in this blue dress it doesn't mean it'd be your colour. It could make you fat. So don't try to change your life, just because someone else's is different. Chase your own happiness, own dreams and goals. But don't depend on changes and don't make the same mistake as I did.

I was so focused on making my life exciting, special, that I wasn't able to be happy about simple things, which were happening on a daily basis. I was chasing impossible, trying to run away from the routine. Don't get me wrong, as I do not dare to complain, I loved my life the way it was and I am happy about almost every decision I made in my life. It made me who I am, it built me. But it also made me realize that sometimes the most beautiful things and the most beautiful life is waiting just in front of you. I was blind thinking that the plane ticket would change my life, would make me happier. It has. Every time. But then when I was changing and had to start everything from the beginning...I was left with nothing. I had to start from the big zero. Every time when I was going "home" I had to look for myself over and over again. I have never had my own own place for a longer. I had apartments, rooms etc. but it was never for a long term, I was always prepared for something new, for a change.. Now I know everyone needs their base. The place you could call home and in which you could put this ugly picture on the wall, this fluffy rug next to your bed, the star wars' collection. Who cares if it's ugly, pointless, if it's a waste. It is YOURS. This one thing you don't ever have to change. And that's what matters. 


You don't need a crowd of people to feel happy and mostly you won't feel happy in a crowd of people. Too many is sometimes too much. Sometimes simplicity is the answer. Sometimes just one smile is all you need.